The Strange History of Ulysses, Kansas | We Won't Finish This Podcast #24

Saddle up, partners, for a rootin’-tootin’ episode of We Won’t Finish This Podcast! This time, Zeebz pitches a wild, true-story Western flick about Old Ulysses, Kansas—a frontier town that pulled off the ultimate hustle by literally picking up and movin’ to dodge its debts! Meet George Washington Earp, the one-man, whiskey-swiggin’, saloon-runnin’, vote-riggin’ cowboy who’s slicker than a greased weasel. Expect slapstick shenanigans, frontier slang that’ll make you cackle, and a tale so absurd it’s gotta be true. Will Savage and Spaceman greenlight this dusty epic, or will it be left in the cactus patch? Hit play to find out! 

0:00–0:15 – Intro: Welcome to We Won’t Finish This Podcast! Savage and Spaceman introduce Zeebz pitch for a movie we’ll never make. Giddy-up for some frontier fun!  

0:16–1:30 – The Pitch Begins: Zeebz unveils a true-story Western about Old Ulysses, Kansas, and its larger-than-life hero, George Washington Earp. The hosts get handed a list of frontier slang, and things go cattywampus real quick!  

1:31–4:30 – Opening Scene: A stagecoach rolls into the prairie, planting a sign for “Future Ulysses: Population Pending.” Enter George Earp, emergin’ from the brush with a mustache and a plan. The slang flies thicker than buzzards!  

4:31–8:00 – George Takes Charge: George flips the surveyors’ upside-down map and lays out Ulysses with a broken compass and whiskey bottle. The hosts riff on his swagger and dream up Gene Wilder as the star.  

8:01–13:00 – Saloon Shenanigans: George runs the town from a saloon, handin’ out mule licenses and turnin’ broom closets into courthouses. The hosts talk Hector the mule and frontier multitasking.  

13:01–19:00 – County Seat Showdown: Ulysses battles Tilden for county seat glory, with George's hired gunmen (like Bat Masterson!) guardin’ the ballot box. 

19:01–27:00 – Courtroom Chaos: Tilden sues over vote-riggin’, but both sides are guilty! A goat eats evidence, the judge sobs, George sips his whiskey.

27:01–29:30 – Tar and No Feathers: Tilden’s whistleblower gets tarred and sent walkin’ through a cactus field. The hosts pitch a slapstick “ow, ow” scene.

29:31–36:00 – The Town Moves!: George proposes movin’ Ulysses to dodge debts. A banjo-fueled montage shows the town skiddin’ away on oxen. The hosts debate Three Stooges-style slapstick. 
 
36:01–38:30 – Empty Prairie: Investors return to find only a schoolhouse and a cacklin’ old man. “You got schooled!” 

38:31–44:00 – Lore Break & George’s Legacy: Zeebz drops facts about George Washington Earp, Wyatt Earp’s cousin, who lived to 96 and ran Ulysses like a boss. The hosts marvel at the real-life absurdity.  

44:01–52:00 – Slapstick vs. Tension: The hosts debate makin’ the movie pure slapstick or mixin’ in Tarantino-style tension. They riff on Home Alone and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.  

52:01–56:00 – Greenlight or Bust?: Savage yellow-lights it for a video game campaign, Spaceman hates the ending, and Zeebz defends the story’s hilarity. New New Ulysses, anyone?  

56:01–59:09 – Outro: The hosts wrap up, plug socials, and sling more frontier slang. Check us out at http://Linktr.ee/WWFTpod and join the hoedown!

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